Digging Down

 
I’ve been thinking a lot over the past few weeks. When I think, it’s deep. I don’t flit along the surface of things, but I try to dig down to the core. Once I reach the core, I can grasp my reality firmly and work from there. If the core is bad, the fruit is bad. So, I work from the core out once I’ve reached it.
Lately, I’ve been coasting through life. I’m like a puck on an air hockey table being pushed to and fro until somebody scores. Through my thoughtful digging, I’ve realized that I need to take control of my life. Time doesn’t stop and neither should I stop progressing. To go even deeper than that, I’m trying to learn why I just stopped, why I haven’t moved further, why I’m not where I once envisioned I would be at this point in my life.
I know I’m a good person. I know I have values, but at this point in time, I lack direction. I’ve learned a lot about myself over these past few weeks as I’ve re-evaluated my life and the direction it’s taking.
I don’t want my life to take a direction. I want to direct my life.
I’m very emotional, I’m very sick, I’m very tired. I find myself overwhelmed. I’d like to blame others for my imperfections, I’d like to say they’re not mine. But there’s something liberating about taking ownership.
I’ve been crying for days and I just couldn’t figure out why. Today as I write, I realize that I’ve had a lot to deal with. Learning about and finding things that I’ve ignored and buried deep has hit me hard. My tendency to be overcritical has magnified my imperfections. I just wanted to give up. There were many times in the past few days when I’ve thought that physically hurting myself to the point of incapacity would be better than dealing with the emotions and problems I’ve found in this quest. Those were fleeting thoughts, I know I’m smarter, and worth more than that.
Writing is my way of dealing, learning and growing. I found seven specific things that have held me back. Seven things that I have control of. Seven things that I can change. These things are very personal to me, and I hesitate to share them with the world. As I learn to deal with each of these issues, I may feel more comfortable sharing my experiences.
I will share now that the digging has been worthwhile. “The answers can be found from digging down.” While it’s fun to look forward and plan, no one will get far if they don’t deal with the issues that are holding them back. As Jack says, “You keep adding stones soon the water will be lost in the well.” I’m digging to find the water of my life. It’s there and I think I’ve hit a spring.
Listen to the song at the beginning of my post. It accurately describes a lot of my discoveries.
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11 thoughts on “Digging Down

  1. Keep your chin up, You know you’re the cat’s meow! I’s normal for people to feel “stuck” and want to make changes. Just make sure you are changing for yourself and not for anybody else.

  2. Girlfriend, I am right there with you! I have done some real soul searching and got rid of a lot of dead weight in the process. You took the first step – that look in the mirror can be downright ugly sometimes…

  3. I try to dig down to the core.That is one heavy duty shovel.Once I reach the core, I can grasp my reality firmly and work from there.Wear gloves, it is hot in the core.Seriously, please don’t hurt yourself. We need people who can laugh in this world. Take care,tamiki

  4. Tamiki! Thanks for the advice! I almost did get burned! Thanks for lightening things up around here! It was getting pretty dark!

  5. You are invited to ride the Alexa train to build your Alexa ratinghttp://revellian.blogspot.com/2007/05/alexa-train.html

  6. I’ve recently discovered Jack Johnson, and he is wonderful.Hang in there, gorgeous. You are wonderful, amazing, and a positive influence in a world that needs so many more people like you.

  7. I think you’ll be just fine :)Its good to dig every once in a while and evaluate who we are and what we want and where we think we’d like to go, and most of the time we don’t get answers, but thats fine too, its the doing that counts. Learning growing non stagnating is where its at.Try not to be so hard on yourself, seems like you are already doing the best that you can and thats all we can ever do really.Take care

  8. WonderWoman….You truly are gifted. Everthing that happens is a gift. Your words lighten up a lot of people’s lives on BlogCatalog.Have you read the book Taming Your Gremlin. It’s really cool with some fun and insightful excercises. Check it out..Id be interested in how and if it provides you with more insights as to whats going on in your life.

  9. Thanks Tony. The support that I receive from virtual strangers around here amazes me. Taking the risk of sharing my weaknesses personally has been a definite learning experience. It has emphasized the connections that I have tried to write about. It encourages me, and hopefully others to see the good, and human connections that still exist in the world around us. I am checking out the book you mentioned as I type. Thank you for making one more connection that will affect the world for good. -WW

  10. Sorry it’s been a while. Hey, don’t let “it” get you down.Everyone that reads or comments has a lot of what you feel inside at times. Keep a writin’!!!

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