Manic Panic

Sometimes I get anxiety… pretty bad. I know exactly what causes it most of the time, but I’m afraid of letting it go- or making the cause of it go away. See, the cause is a person. I’ve loved this person a lot, and been through a whole hell of a lot with this person, which is probably the reason I have anxiety every time this person succeeds in contacting me. It has to do with my desire to help people, and solve problems. Remember my problem problem? Well, this is the biggest problem problem I’ve ever had-One that plagues me and haunts me… and stalks me. It’s a crazy problem, and I mean literally crazy- psych ward at the hospital crazy. I think that’s what scares me the most. I don’t know how to deal with the crazyness. Trying to help this person has consumed me before… and it’s not a good thing. I get confused because I’ve always related caring about a person with helping them. At this point I cannot help. I’m useless against whatever is causing these psychological problems to appear. I’m sitting here shaking as I type this, and it bothers me that another person’s psychological problems can affect me so much. It bothers me that I have to turn my back on this person to prevent further harm to me. I just don’t deal with that well- at all. This person scares me sometimes, and has been the cause of many traumatizing experiences and abuse. I guess I’m just trying to convince myself that making this person go away will be the best thing. It will be the best thing- right?THIS is a great poem. Thanks Dwayne!


7 thoughts on “Manic Panic

  1. Always remember one thing. Never jeopardize yourself. No matter how much you want to help others, you have to make sure you are safe first. I do not know the situation but I do know that life is the hardest thing any of us will have to do. And we only have one of them. So if something is causing you to have a panic attack you need to let it go. You can get my email under my profile and email me if you need anyone to talk to.

  2. dwayne is right. Although this is a ‘global’ community, you have friends here. If you need help, or someone to ‘vent’ to, I don’t think you will have trouble finding anyone who would not be willing to listen, and lend a ‘cyber shoulder’.My e-mail is available as well.Take care.

  3. I think vice said it well. You know how to reach us and we are here. Not knowing the specifics, I do know that co-dependency is as bad or worse as dependency.Hang in there.PeterH

  4. Looks like you have made some pretty wise friends here in the internet/blogging world. I know this person (i think) and i know how this person can effect you. ALWAYS remember the strenght that you have found in yourself before. If you have to refind that strength every time this person comes around just call me! I will help out as much as I can! I also have to say that when dealing with this before i think that you have really come a long way, and i think that you are handeling it in the very best way possible!

  5. I agree with Einstein about changing the way you think, stepping out from the always-same circle. You seem to pay attention to others’ problems a step out from this circle and be a bit more selfish for a while.:) And pay attention to yourself now. Like a buddhist..”I concentrate to my belly button..the world is just a next step”:)

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