To feel the spirit

Until recently, I had forgotten why I ever went to church as an adult. To put it quite frankly, lately, I’ve thought of it as just a pain in the ass. I enjoy my weekends free from commitments. Spending 3 hours of my time at church every Sunday has just not been a priority. But as I discussed it with my dad the other night, I realized- when I went before, and really enjoyed it, I went to feel the spirit.
I was born into a family of active members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We went to church every Sunday, and my parents faithfully fulfilled callings within the church throughout my childhood. They taught their children the principles of the gospel and each of us were baptized members at the age of eight. I’ve always believed that the church is true. I’ve felt the spirit of the Holy Ghost help me through life.
I’ve been very private about my religious life. It is something that I’ve felt should be quietly respected and not flaunted or displayed for all to see. I value my religion and at the same time, appreciate the views and religions of those around me. I understand that in every religion, there are hypocrites and those who are irresolute in their convictions. In fact, in recent years I’ve been one of them in my religion, which causes such a great conflict in my soul. One major reason that I decided to take a step back from my religion was that there were people who I admired, whom I was very close to, that did things that seemed hypocritical and down right wrong to me. While they may have been wrong, I guess it’s not for me to judge. It is for me to decipher between right and wrong and separate myself from that which I know is wrong. The hard part is knowing just what to separate myself from.
I’ve been through a time in my life that I like to call my “personal revolution.” It was a time when I stood up against everything and everyone that I’d grown up with. It was a time when I knew what I was doing was right for me, even if I was making some mistakes. It took a lot of strength to do that. I was standing completely on my own working through some of the hardest times in my life. I’ve always had my family and friends, but at that point in time, they weren’t a priority in my life. They weren’t the strength that I relied on then.
In going through my personal revolution, I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about people in general, and living in “the real world.” I slowly rebuilt old friendships and relationships as I grew into who I am today. I’m still learning and growing, but I don’t feel so alone in the world.
The values that were instilled in me as a child are of great worth to me, but I don’t feel as though I’m using them to the fullest extent. I’m struggling to combine them with the things that I’ve learned in recent years. I’m struggling to see exactly how everything fits together. In essence, I’m struggling to find out who I really am.
It’s amazing how life gives you SO MANY experiences. It’s mind boggling to think of my gramma and grampa who are nearly 3 times my age. I can’t even comprehend all that they’ve been through in life. I feel like I’ve been through quite a bit, but it is nothing compared to their experiences. I guess to be successful in life, we need to take everything we can from the lessons life teaches us and combine it into who we are. So, now that I’ve remembered that I can feel the spirit of the Holy Ghost at church and enjoy it, I’m going to go- to feel the spirit.

One thought on “To feel the spirit

  1. Becca, I am so glad to know your inner thoughts on this subject. This is also a stuggle that I went through in my life. I feel that it would be of worth to everyone to go through something similar. I feel that I have learned a ton from my experiences and I wouldn’t change a single one of them. Even the bad times. I am proud of you and honored to know you. You have grown a ton in the past few years and I have faith that you will figure it all out, no matter what the outcome! I love you and pray for you all the time!

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