I’m learning more about myself every day. I continually surprise myself though- which I think is weird. I’m what some people might call a connector. I care A LOT about the people around me, and how we connect or communicate. One of the most important things in my life is understanding and being understood. I could care less about who’s right or wrong, as long as there is an understanding on both ends. In that way, I may come across as always wanting to be right- but that’s not my deal. I just want to be understood.
The majority of my time is spent thinking about other people, and what will make them happy, comfortable, or secure. I’m that way to a fault, because a lot of times I don’t take time for myself. I totally neglect my laundry, my apartment, my work and even my own desires sometimes, just because I get so caught up in being around and “taking care of” other people. It may be because I’m the oldest of five children, and I always have taken on the responsibility of taking care of everyone when no one else is there to do it. My youngest brother is now sixteen and sometimes he refers to me as his second mom. I even find myself trying to take care of my parents a lot of the time- they’re definitely not THAT old. I think it’s that desire for understanding that drives me to do this. I need to make sure that the people I love understand things from many different points of view, so that they can make the best decisions for themselves. I think I’m kind of crazy. I know that there are good things about being this kind of crazy, but at the same time, I know there are things I need to change.
I found myself crying today, because I was hurt by something someone else was feeling. I know that’s vague, but I hope it makes sense. It felt good to just cry and acknowledge that I was hurt. I was able to have some time to myself and decide how I can handle these kind of situations in the future. I can’t change someone else, I can only be there for them and be patient through the tough times. I know that it’s important for me to stay true to myself above all else, so that when I look back I can look back without regret. I strongly believe that we should live in each moment and appreciate its relevance in our lives, that we should enjoy each faze and each year as it comes because we’ll only be there, in that same spot, once in our lives.