Sometimes I Just Can't Deal

Sometimes life just is too hard to handle and I shut down or blow up. I’m having one of those moments now. I’m grateful for medication to help me through these situations, but I often wonder…Why do I even need it? Shouldn’t I be able to handle things on my own? When life is hard isn’t there a reason for that? Am I taking the easy way out? I also think about how much the medicine does help. How are you supposed to tell if you are normal or if you really should take some kind of medication to help balance things out? Is there some sort of “normal” that everyone should be? I just don’t know, and that’s what causes all of the questions. I’ve often come to the conclusion that I DO need to take medication and that it’s okay and helps me to survive, but I always go back to the questioning. I don’t know why it’s so hard to accept, but it is. Maybe its hard because I’m always choosing whether or not I need it when I’m stressed out, anxious, and not quite sane. That must be it.
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5 thoughts on “Sometimes I Just Can't Deal

  1. Although you might consider me to be the keeper of all wisdom, (Julie knows the truth – I don’t know crap) I really don’t have an answer for you. All I can say is that we care about you, support you, and love you.

  2. I agree very much with Rob! I do want to add though, that society for a very long time has labeled those that need meds “crazy”. This is not true! There is really no “normal” either. Everyone is different and deals with things in their own way. Sometime medication is truly needed. (Speaking from experience) One thing that I always tried to keep in mind, is that there might be an end, and I will know when that end it. If there isn’t an end that I will come to terms with it because I really liked how much better I felt and I would rather me medicated and happy than to not be medicated and misserable. Hang in there, and remember that you are not the only one that feels this way.I love you and care for you very much. With meds and without meds!

  3. Wow, as someone relatively “new” to the meds for normal life scene, I can tell you that I do feel better when I take them and that I finally realized that if I have a great life with them and my loved ones are happier and not just waiting around until I have another “episode” then it’s all worth it. I probably won’t have to be on them for “life”, but right now I need the extra help. It’s funny too because I feel better when I’m taking them that I wonder why I’m taking them. All I have to do is remember how I didn’t manage before and it’s a no brainer – except that it took me a couple of years and no sleep to finally make me come to terms with it! I NEED A LITTLE EXTRA HELP – it doesn’t mean I’m crazy! Thanks Becca for bringing it up and thanks so much for your support! Love Ya and Love You Too Shannon.

  4. Sometimes I try to do things, and it just doesn’t work out the way i want it toand I get real frustrated, and like, I try hard to do it and I take my timeand it just doesn’t work out the way I want it to, it’s like I concentrate on itreal hard, and it just doesn’t work out, and everything I do and everything I tryit never turns out, it’s like I need time to figure these things out, there’s always someone there going, hey mike, you know, we been noticing you’ve been having alot of problemslately, you know, maybe get away, and like, maybe you should talk about it,you’d feel alot better, I go no, it’s ok, you know, I’ll figure it out,just leave me alone I’ll figure it out, you know, I’ll just work it out myself, and they go, well you know, if you wanna talk about it I’ll be here you know, and you’ll probably feel alot better if you talk about it, so why don’t you talk about it, I go, no, I don’t want to, I’m ok, I’ll figure it out myself, but they just keep bugging me and they just keep bugging me,and it builds up inside,So you’re gonna be institutionalizedYou’ll come out brainwashed with bloodshot eyesYou won’t have any sayThey’ll brainwash you until you see their wayI’m not crazy – institutionalizedYou’re the one who’s crazy – institutionalizedYou’re driving me crazy – institutionalizedThey stuck me in an institutionSaid it was the only solutionTo give me the needed professional helpTo protect me from the enemy, myselfI was in my room and I was like just staring at the wall thinking about everythingbut then again I was thinking about nothing, and then my mom comes in and I didn’t even know she was there and she calls my name and I didn’t hear her and then she started screaming, MIKE, MIKE, and I go what, what’s the matter, and she goes what’s the matter with you? I go there’s nothing wrong mom, and she goes don’t give me that, you’re on drugs, I go no mom, I’m not on drugs, I’m ok, I’m just thinking, why don’t you get me a Pepsi? She goes, no, you’re on drugs, I go mom, I’m okay, I’m just thinking, she goes no, you’re not thinking, you’re on drugs, normal people don’t act that way. I go mom, just get me a Pepsi please, all I want is a Pepsi, and she wouldn’t give it to me, all I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn’t give it to me, just a Pepsi.They give you a white shirt with long sleevesTied around you’re back, you’re treated like thievesDrug you up because they’re lazyIt’s too much work to help a crazyI’m not crazy – institutionalizedYou’re the one who’s crazy – institutionalizedYou’re driving me crazy – institutionalizedThey stuck me in an institutionSaid it was the only solutionTo give me the needed professional helpTo protect me from the enemy, myselfI was sitting in my room and my mom and my dad came in and they pulled up a chair and they sat down, they go, mike, we need to talk to you, I go okay, what’s the matter? They go me and your mom, we been noticing lately you’ve been having alot of problems, and you’ve been going out for no reason, and we’re afraid that you’re going to hurt somebody, and we’re afraid you’re gonna hurt yourself, so we decided that it would be in your best interest if we put you somewhere where you could get the help that you need, and I go, wait, what are you talking about, we decided? my best interest? How do you know what MY best interest is? How can you say what MY best interest is? What are you trying to say? That I’m crazy? When I went to your schools, I went to your churches, I went to your institutional learning facilities. So how can you say I’m crazy?They say they’re gonna fix my brainAlleviate my suffering and my painBut by the time they fix my headMentally I’ll be deadI’m not crazy – institutionalizedYou’re the one who’s crazy – institutionalizedYou’re driving me crazy – institutionalizedThey stuck me in an institutionSaid it was the only solutionTo give me the needed professional helpTo protect me from the enemy, myselfIt doesn’t matter, I’ll probably get hit by a car anyway.-Suicidal Tendencies (hee hee)

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